Mirror, Mirror On The Pink Wall
by Devilzzz
Summary: In the castle of Hogwarts, lies Harry Potter, who is learning to read, Hermione Granger who's teaching him, Ginny who's starring as Blow White, Draco who's an egotistical drama queen, and Neville as a hero. Crazy, nasty, all you could want.


Mirror, Mirror On The Pink Wall  
  
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Disclaimer: Don't own HP or it's characters. Summary: In which Harry learns how to read, Ginny is Blow White, Hermione is a teacher, and Draco is the evil egotistical queen. Shapes up into the craziest, nastiest, parody in the world. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Harry swiveled his head back and forth, examining the object in front of him in distaste.  
  
"Harry," Hermione interrupted hastily. "It is obvious that this object is a --"  
  
"Shhhhhh!" Harry held up a hand, closing his eyes in a serene poise. "We should not anger it!"  
  
"Harry, it's a book, for God's sakes! You're supposed to open it! I got it for you at Christmas...it baffles me why you didn't open it until now!" Her voice exasperated and tiring, she glared at Harry shrewdly.  
  
"Book?" Harry asked in an uncertain voice.  
  
"Yes, yes," she prodded, nodding kindly as she opened to the front page. "Book. B-o-o-k."  
  
Harry's face scrunched in concentration and puzzlement as he read out the front page. "T-t-the Li-li-little ..." he trailed off, his tongue left aimless.  
  
"Come on Harry, you can do it..." Hermione cooed. "The little..."  
  
"E-en-engine...th-th-at cou-..."  
  
"Yes, yes...you're getting it!" she said jovially with excitement ringing in her voice.  
  
"THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD!" Harry exclaimed in pure joy. "Yeah! I did it!"  
  
"Atta boy!" Hermione clapped him on the back, her voice dripping with enthusiasm.  
  
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"How much will that be?" Neville asked, his chin quivering nervously.  
  
Ginny waved her hand dismissively. "I forgot, really. Did I only blow you, or drink you as well?"  
  
"You gave me a blowjob," Neville asked, his lips trembling into an uplift. "At least, that's all, I think."  
  
"Alright, then," she replied brightly. "Ten knuts, please. Pay up."  
  
Neville handed her the silver coins generously, and then skipped off, obviously satisfied with his evening. Ginny slumped over her desk, awaiting new customers.  
  
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Draco peered into the mirror, smirking at his glamarous self, as usual, he was wearing leather pants, was shirtless, and artistically figured as in all fanfiction - oh forget the canon, the pointy chin is gone!"Mirror, mirror, on the pink wall..." he cooed. "Who is the prettiest badass of them all?"  
  
"Well," the mirror replied curtly. "I would say you, are the prettiest badass of them all..." the mirror swooned, then it's voice changed into disappointment. "However, currently, Blow White is the prettiest badass of them all."  
  
"WHAT!?" Draco exclaimed, glaring at the mirror and it's obscene conclusions. "What does Blow White have compared to ME? I - I WORE LEATHER FOR YOU!"  
  
"Well," the mirror said knowledgbly. "She blows better than you."  
  
"That is SO not true!" Draco said, shaking in fury. "According to many slashers, I gave Harry Potter, Severus Snape, AND my own father the best blowjobs of their lives!"  
  
"I am sorry, but it says it right here. Blow White is the new prettiest badass," the mirror replied in a familiar tone of voice. "And your Transfiguration essay is due, by the way," the mirror quipped unseemingly.  
  
Draco's ears rang with the familiarity of the voice. "Professor McGonagall?!" he gasped. "IS THAT YOU IN THERE?!"  
  
The mirror gave a lurching movement, otherwise known as an inanimate shrug. "Well, I had to get extra money SOME way..."  
  
Draco gave out a cry of anger and outrage. "BLOW WHITE MUST DIE!"  
  
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Neville gave out a shriek of fury and fear. "SOMEONE STOLE MY UNDERWEAR! THEY MUST DIE!"  
  
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How will Draco kill Blow White (Ginny), or will things backfire? Will Harry succeed in learning to read more books? Will Hermione suddenly fall in love with Harry during the lessons? Will Neville find out who stole his underwear?  
  
(I am a very, very crazy girl)  
  
To Be Continued................. 


End file.
